Friday, December 12, 2008

The Uncle Rico Factor

"Back in '82 I could throw a pigskin a quarter mile".


I'm not going to assume that all of you know who Uncle Rico is. Watch Napoleon Dynamite. If for nothing else, the laugh factor. None the less, Uncle Rico is a character in the movie that's stuck in 1982 and his missed shot at at quarterbacking his high school football team to a state title when his coach failed to put him in the game.

What you ask, does this have to do with this blog?

Well, let me lay it on you.

See, everyone assumes automatically that a guy would like his child to be born a boy, carry on the family name, teach him about sports, play catch, etc. All of that would be very cool, but let's do a little math here. I'm 35 right now, soon to be 36, so when it's actually time to engage in sporting activities with him I'll be in my late 40's, maybe even 50. Yes, it's all about teaching, but it's also about when he puts 10 straight pitches on a frozen rope back past my melon to be able to call on the fastball, little high cheese, chin music. I wouldn't like intentionally throw at him, but dammit, the inside of the plate is mine and he's gotta earn it from me!!!

I on the other hand, will be the Jamie Moyer of dads......

Dripping in sweat, saying "oh yeah, try my knuckle curve on for size." Whack. Past my head.

"Ok, how bout the change up" Whack. Past my head.

"Guess the change up doesn't work when it looks exactly like my fastball."

I'll be just like Uncle Rico, telling him "You shoulda seen me back in '91..... back in '91 I could throw a pigskin a quarter mile."

Thats a lie, I couldn't throw it a quarter mile, 60-65 yards maybe, but he wouldn't know that and at least in his eyes, before he wised up, he would envision a combination or 2 parts Dan Marino, 1 part LaDanian Tomlinson and 1 part Greek God. Kind of a Zeus that could pick apart a 4-3 defense.
So, the question, wouldn't it be great to have a son? Yes, yes it would. I'm now going to the gym to lift until my arms fall off, then run 10 miles........... every day for the next 15 years!!!

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