How to cancel a credit card

Anyone else have that credit card in their wallet that serves no purpose? No purpose other than as a emergency window scrapper in the winter and to prove to yourself that you can’t pick locks when you lock yourself out of the house?

Ever try to call in and cancel that card? Better set aside an entire afternoon to talk on the phone OR, use my surefire way to get through to Habib in the Cancel Verification department quickly.

First off, let me qualify this by saying that a crying baby is about the most distressing sound in the world and I hate seeing Ashtyn crying, but sometimes they just aren’t happy with the current situation and feel like they need to voice their opinion on it. In these cases, use it to make the most out of a bad situation.

I’d tried to cancel this particular card several times in the past and because I don’t normally have 3 hour stretches to rebut every one of their rebuts as to why I should keep it, so I just give up and keep the card to get off the phone. Usually the calls go something like this:

Card Company: “Can I get your social to verify who I’m talking to?”

Me: “Blah, blah, blah”

CC: “Thank you Mr. Miller, how can I help you”

Me: “I’d like to close my account today”

CC: “Ok, well I show that you’ve been a member since 1997.”

Me: “I know, and I feel like in some really cool club and stuff, but it’s not the Mafia so I want out.”

CC: “Well, I show that you have a really low interest rate for purchases and cash advances.”

Me: “Super, but unless its lower than my college GPA of 1.97 it’s still too high.”

CC: “Not every place takes checks”

Me: “They take debit tho”

CC: “What about big purchases?”

Me: “Yep, they’re called cars and houses. Banks give you loans for those and at less than 13.00% interest.”

CC: “What if it’s an emergency?”

Me: “I’ll call 911”

CC: “Money emergency”

Me: “I don’t need the ‘Sounds of the 70’s’ 17 disc collection that bad.”

CC: “I’m authorized to drop your interest rate by 5% today.”

Me: “Will it get me off the phone in the next 15 seconds.”

CC: “Yes”

Me: “Sold, looks like I’m still in the Mafia.”

That’s how it’s went for me in the past, they wear me down until I give up and keep the card. Not on my latest effort tho! Ashtyn wasn’t happy so I quick picked up the phone, pressed 17 buttons to get to a live operator and this is more how it went:

CC: “How can I help you Mr. Miller.”

Me: “I’d like to cancel my card.”

CC: “It shows you’ve been a member since………..”

{Ashtyn}: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!

CC: “I’ll put you through to verifications.”

Verifications: “Mr. Miller I understand you’d like to cancel………….”

{Ashtyn}: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!

Verifications: “Ummmm, I’ve closed your account.”

It’s an old axiom, but still hold true.
“Life throws you lemons, make lemonade.”