Overweight people probably drive fast because they can't run fast.

We have in the apartment complex, a guy who is a rather large man and who attempts his best Dale Ernhardt Jr. imitation every time he leave the lot. Today as I was leaving the garage I heard a squeal of tires to my right and just had enough time to jump back in through the doorway as a 1997ish Ford Explorer, complete with wheel well rust locked up it's binders and slid past me to the front of the garage next to ours. I fully expected Will Farrell to jump out and try to kidnap me like in "Old School".

But that didn't happen, he just really enjoys sticking the gas pedal though the carburetor of his truck in the 75 yards from his apt. to the garage. Now I'm not the type that goes around making fun of people..... until they do stupid things, then they're fair game. After seeing this idiot corner around the lot on two wheels, I'd say season is now open. That being said, I would like to publicly announce for future reference that getting the 9/16 wrench in the garage..... not an emergency. Getting a torque wrench from the garage..... not an emergency. Getting one's self out of the parking lot at Mach Chicken for the purpose of making a McDonalds run..... NOT an emergency. In fact, there is probably no emergency in his life that requires him to see if he can hit 50mph from one end of the parking lot to the other.

I'm not sure exactly how many people lay claim to that garage, but I'd have to say it's at least two because there's been about four different vehicles that have been in there over the winter. One is a fairly nicely restored 70's Ford pickup, the rusty Explorer, a rusty Ford Festiva and what I like to call the "War Wagon". A 1970's Dodge Power Wagon. It's a beauty. I especially like the two tone paint.

The owner had the uncanny ability to park that right outside his garage before every single snowstorm this winter, so when the snow blew in, it created a 4 foot drift right in front of our garage door. It also took him 7 or 8 really good loud tries in the morning to get it started and the routine was usually the same everyday:

1.) Check exhaust system to make sure it was full of holes and that there was no muffle on it.

2.) Turn the engine over and mash foot to the floor for 10 seconds.

3.) Return engine to idle and wait for engine to die.

4.) Repeat 7 more times.

5.) Drive off loudly.

So, if any of you are wondering if this big blizzard is going to hit this coming week, don't bother tuning into your local TV station. Just give me a call. I'll poke my head out the door and if the War Wagon is sitting in front of the garage, lay in supplies. I don't know how he knows, but like the beavers that build thicker walls on their lodges before a hard winter.......... he knows.