The list of things that come packed in a box and say "assembly required" that I've put together over the years is pretty short. A bookshelf, nightstand, think maybe my Remington 870 came like that and a few other odds and ends here and there.
In the past few months though I’ve become quite accustomed to putting together things from a box. The namesake of the blog (the crib) for starters and then last night, Katies co-workers bought us a baby swing. The instructions, or as I like to call them “Manufacturer’s suggestions” have changed over the years. They used to come in text only form and only in English, one page and if you couldn’t figure it out then you had to call an 800 number that was only available from Noon to 3:00 Pacific Time. These new instructions come in 4 languages, the booklet is 17 pages long and has step by step pictures of the entire process. There’s also 3 phones numbers to call 24/7 for support, a website with e-mail and chat links and also free counseling for guys that start crying because they can’t figure out how to put things together.
Another thing I noticed is that the hardware package that holds the bolts, etc. also comes with a handy universal plastic tool to use as a wrench. Throw this away. No self respecting man is going to use a plastic wrench on a bolt. Go directly to your tool kit and get the real mans tools and don’t forget the cordless drill and the drill bits, because even though it’s best to follow directions, it’s more fun to just look at the picture on the box and figure it out for yourself, like a puzzle and they don’t numbers and color code puzzle pieces. The drill will come in handy for that one extra bolt and no bolt holes to put it in – the drill and reinforce method. Duct tape is also good for these purposes.
If you’re going to go off of just the picture on the box, you have to be organized before you even start. Lay out all of your pieces and then close your eye’s. Imagine the swingset done, see the cradle rocking back and forth…….. see the swing……. be the swing. It’s like baseball. You stand at the plate and you have to imagine the pitch and what it’s going to do, have a plan and then hit the ball. Of course in baseball where I was a career .275 average hitting at the plate, I swung and missed more than I hit, which was also a very real possibility with this swingset too.
I’ve always found that I hit better when the game was on the line and that I also work better under pressure so when I take on these projects now I have Katie dress up as a Vietnamese Drill Sergeant and yell at me in foreign languages and threaten me with a bamboo rod. “SWINGSET!!!! YOU FINISH NOW!! No talk, you work”.
It must have worked, because the swing was a swingin in no time at all. I’m not sure what record time is for finishing a Fisher Price 3 in 1 Baby Swing, but since I finished in 19 minutes I’m going to say I’m the world record holder. It’s a good thing the seat has safety straps though, because the seat is facing the ground so it’ll be more of a carnival ride than anything for Little One.
1 comment:
Good one Scott!
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